So last night my mum wouldn’t let me have any sweets because she said they were all for the trick or treaters so i put this mask on and went out the back door and went around to the front and said trick or treat and she didn’t recognize me and she said “since i don’t think we’ll be getting any more tonight you can the rest of this bag my daughter will have them otherwise” and then i went back ini love myself
does anyone else get friend-jealous really easily?
it just rolls around in my stomach. it sits. i can imagine it just floating around in my veins attaching itself to everyone of my cells. i don’t know what to do. i don’t know how to save myself. so i do what i think will help. i create a quick line of escape over my veins. let them float out. let the thousands of them drip from my wrist. its not enough. not enough can escape. i make another escape route. they drip out. faster this time. too fast. they cant all leave. they cant all leave me. so i stop them. put pressure on them. say i’m sorry over and over again. im sorry but i cant help you. to be honest, i can barely help me. im so sorry. after the last few finally leave i sit back, put my head against the wall. i clean the cold tile floor and get rid of me. scrub each drip away. i seal the lines. pull down the sleeve to cover them. i’m so sorry i whisper again and again. my eyes fill with water and tears slid down my cheeks each at their own pace. at first they leave one my one but soon they decide to slide down together. they stop but they linger on my cheeks. i wipe them away. just leave. i look in the mirror right before i wipe my face. for a second i think i see a glimmer of something. is it light? no. you cant see anything in me anymore, no light can shine in me. no glimmer. i’ve come to terms with darkness. but man do i fucking wish i could feel the sun on my skin. i wish i could feel seen. i wipe the fog from the mirror. i forgot i had the shower on. i turn it off then wash my face. rub my eyes for second to remember where i was. i look around to make sure everything’s in place. no mess of me. its spotless. i open the door but before i leave i put my mask on. the mirror shows me a smile, my smile. it haunts me.